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Showing posts with label platypus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label platypus. Show all posts

03 June 2011

Platypus 'Duos'

What are the chances? A day after I post my epic ode to the Platypus and I stumble upon the most irrefutable proof of their superiority, published by an organization only slightly less reputable than myself.

As it turns out, the platypus has the capacity for both blood curdling violence and merciful healing.

Yea, for with his webbed, venomous paw doth he both giveth and taketh away.

“Amen, bitches.”

It seems that the heart-stopping awesomeness of the platypus extends not just to its ability to singlehandedly bring the human race crumbling down to a jabbering mass of structureless, gurgling amoeboids, but to the unique cells and particles that make up its other-worldly body. To be more specific, its ‘platypus proteins’.

01 June 2011

F*ck You, I'm a Platypus!


Let me begin again, in a fashion that I am becoming quite comfortable with, by asking a rhetorical question: how can I fully and successfully relate to you the sheer, nut-blasting awesomeness of that most radical of monotremes, that patch-quilt of insanity and super powers, the mother-fucking platypus?!


If the animal kingdom was the X-Men, then the platypus would be Wolverine. If Australia was the DC universe, he’d be Batman. If nature was a bunch of kids playing cops and robbers in the 30s, he’d be the little dickhead claiming he’s wrapped in a force field, waving around an imaginary laser-gun and screaming, “You can’t kill me!”

The platypus’s physical and biological makeup makes God look like Dr Frankenstein if Dr Frankenstein had played too many video games as a kid – or that, conversely, while under a sudden, unexpected and completely misguided desire to bond (an affliction that has been known to strike many a father without warning) God tossed a few DIY packs Old Nick’s way, chiming; “Come on, son. Let’s see if you and the old man don’t share a keen interest in taxidermy.”